May 6, 2020

Feel the Feels with Connie Anne Holman

Feel the Feels with Connie Anne Holman

In episode 16, Feel the Feels with Connie Anne Holman, Elaina is joined by a licensed therapist and life coach, Connie Anne Holman. They discuss how to allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment and the importance of not suppressing your feelings.


"Positive feelings come from being honest about yourself and accepting your personality, and physical characteristics, warts and all, and, from belonging to a family that accepts you without question."– Willard Scott

In episode 16, Feel the Feels with Connie Anne Holman, Elaina is joined by a licensed therapist and life coach, Connie Anne Holman. They discuss how to allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment and the importance of not suppressing your feelings.

In this episode, Elaina and Connie took a deep dive into what it means not to judge your feelings or to label them as good or bad or right or wrong. They discussed how to get to a place of self-acceptance and self-compassion. Connie shares many strategies and insights she has implemented along her journey to develop self-love and self-appreciation.

This episode is jam-packed with authentic experiences embracing love and acceptance. This discussion addresses the following:

  • Is it okay to not be okay?
  • Why is it important to not judge or label feelings and emotions as good or bad?
  • How to give yourself permission to feel what you feel and how to move on from there.
  • Comparing ourselves to others has a major impact on our mental and emotional well-being.

Connie Anne Holman

Resources, Connect and Subscribe

Transcript

Elaina: [00:00:00] Hey everybody, it’s Elaina and welcome to the Cope Queens podcast. And today we are feeling the feels with Connie Anne Homan. And so, I’m going to give Connie an opportunity to introduce herself, and then we’re going to just dive right on into our conversation. Hey, Connie.

Connie Anne: [00:00:17] Hey Elaina. So happy to be here, but I’m Connie. I am a, heart centered coach. For a lot of people, they might be wondering what that is and that just means, a lot of people talk about mindset and they talk about your thinking and your feeling, and that’s okay. All really important. But I believe that a lot of what we do, a lot of what drives our behavior actually happens in the heart.

So, there’s a lot of things that we use, experience, disappointment, rejection, let down, heartbreak. Just different things that affect us. And then that in turn, affects, our thoughts and affects our thinking. So, when I work with people, I want to get to the heart of the matter. Get in there, let’s go deep. Let’s see what’s happening so that we can get you to a place where we then start thinking about the thoughts and the feelings and how to change behavior. So to speak. So that’s me.

Elaina: [00:01:14] Thank you again so much for joining us today. Since we’ve had this shelter in place, stay at home quarantine, whatever we want to label this. I have gone through many highs and lows, some that I didn’t even anticipate. I by nature, am a introvert. And so I enjoy, and I get my energy when I can be alone and with my own thoughts.

And so I was like, Oh, okay, quarantine, no big deal. Welcome to my world people. But I’ve learned that I in some aspects, I do miss social interaction at think. It’s part of being told that I can’t socially interact. There are also times, like I see a lot on social media where everyone is stay positive and being upbeat and trying to motivate and it’s all great information, but I feel like I’m not allowed to feel bad or have a negative feeling.

There are people out there that. Are really struggling right now and here I am feeling guilty because I didn’t do something that I could have done or I’m getting to the point where tired of being in the house or I’m frustrated by the process, I’m not allowed to be upset. Does that make sense?

Connie Anne: [00:02:28] That makes a lot of sense, especially when you’re explaining it, when you’re comparing yourself, other people.

Right. And that’s usually what trips us up is we start looking outward and we start thinking, okay, I have to cope, or I have. To be how other people, and we looked at other people. It’s like, guide us. Well, this is totally unique experience we’re all going to do what we’re used to doing. Right. You know, some people in times of stress.

It calms them. They go inside, they come up with a plan. Some people in times of stress, or here’s all the anxieties, all the uncomfortabilities. Is that a word? I’m going to use it. We’re going to roll with that. But yeah, we all have different triggers. We all have different comfort level and to compare ourselves doing a disservice to us.

Because nobody is looking through the lens that we’re looking through and if we’re trying to force ourselves into an identity that clearly isn’t ours, we’re actually hurting ourselves in the process. We gotta allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel when we feel it. Now there’s a difference between like when you’re actually experiencing a depression, you have to really use energy and action to help yourself get out of that. But, most of the time, a lot of our issues come from us trying to suppress our feelings or trying to shield our feelings, and that’s one of the worst things that we can do to ourselves.

Elaina: [00:04:01] How do you allow yourself or give yourself permission to feel the way that you feel without judging those feelings?

Connie Anne: [00:04:10] I think it’s natural for us to judge because that’s part of our flight or fight response, right? We have to go out into the world and make quick decisions. We have to say that’s something that’s harmful or something is okay for us. If we need to be on guard, if we need to fight, if we need to flight.

Part of us, is going to judge and because that’s what our brains are built to do. Our brains are doing what they’re built to do, and that’s judging, assessing, analyzing, something we have to work on. That’s a little bit harder to just be observers. All situations are not life or death situation. All situations are not fight or flight situation.

And we’ve gotten to that place where we’ve evolved even though we’re not running from like saber tooth tigers or dinosaurs, we’re still on guard, so to speak, but not every situation needs for us to fight or flight. And that can give us the space to be observers. I am a person that really believes in mindfulness.

And mindfulness me with the nonjudgmental, noticing where that, judging or labeling something good or bad, right or wrong, it helps me to sit in a space where I can just notice and I can kind of take a step back from my thoughts and my feelings. And just sit in it. You know, a lot of times we don’t allow ourselves just sit in whatever we’re thinking or sit in whatever we’re feeling.

We’re so quick to say, Oh, that’s bad. That’s wrong. That’s uncomfortable. I shouldn’t be thinking, feeling or experiencing this. But a lot of the times when you just sit in it, Connie shared when you just sit in the feeling when you sit in your sadness when you sit in your disappointment, and you sit in your letdowns and you let the feeling kind of evolve and explore it you’ll find that the feeling will pass way more quickly than you trying to force it to pass.

Elaina: [00:06:05] That’s a really good point. I think a lot of us go through that guilt and that shame, and sometimes we find it even difficult to understand where those feelings are coming from, but what would you recommend to someone that maybe they are, they’re feeling not quite themselves, but they’re not able to truly label the feeling or emotion that they’re experiencing.

Connie Anne: [00:06:28] I think one of the most important things is it’s okay to not know. We like answers where we like to have things figured out and there’s times where we just felt janky. We can’t trace the reason. It could be something that we heard last week. It could be something that we were talking to a loved one, you know, a month ago, and all of a sudden we’re experiencing these emotions that we’re experiencing.

Force is kind of like the worst thing. If you think about like manifestation and the law of attraction and all that, when you try to force something, it’s never going to work because the energy is the different energy. So, there’s and an energy that I like to tap into, and that’s the energy of allowance.

And so if we just allow ourselves the space, if we just allow ourselves the grace. To experience, whatever we’re experiencing, even if we can’t label it, even if we don’t know and give ourselves like the curiosity. If you were talking with a friend and they were sharing those things with you, like, Oh, I just, you know, some sort of way, I don’t know what’s going on.

If you really care about that person and you’re holding base for that person, you would be really compassionate. You’d be really kind. You would be really loving because you would see that they’re going through something and it’s really causing some distress for them, and we have to do that to ourselves.

Hopefully we can get to a place where we can create that same safe space for ourselves. By being compassionate, being kind, being loving, being curious, and being okay with not having an answer. That was something that when I was working at a hospital as a clinical therapist. I would put this pressure on myself that they need to know the answers.

These people are coming to me for help and need to know the answers and what I realize that when I was thinking, I need to know the answer, I wasn’t present in the fashion and I have to let all of that goal. That’s part of ego wanting safety, wanting security, and I have to let all of that go, and I just have to sit in there.

And when I sat in there with them and I was present, and I was holding space and I was looking through the lens of kindness, compassion, and love, that’s when the answers would come because they felt safe to be vulnerable, to be themselves, and that’s when the true answers and that’s where the heart centered ness comes from.

That’s where the true answers are given the space to come out. So with yourself, there’s times are gonna feel janky. You’re not going to be able to trace it. You’re not gonna know why. But if you can be compassionate, kind, loving, and curious about what’s going on, eventually it will unveil it out. And I truly have experienced that, and I’ve seen that force is one of the worst things you can do to yourself, to other people.

I felt like that was like a one hour long.

Elaina: [00:09:13] No, that was a lot of helpful information and I thank you for that. One of the things that you mentioned that I want to just go back to, you mentioned wanting to know all of the answers, and I am definitely that person because part of my social anxiety is I don’t want to be negatively perceived by others.

When you put that type of pressure on yourself. It creates a lot of stress and additional anxiety, like it’s just more internal turmoil feeling like you have to have the answers and you need to know everything. Even when I think about doing this podcast, I wanted to do a podcast for two years, and I kept putting it off.

Not that because I didn’t want to put forth the work, but because I was like, I’m not knowledgeable enough. I don’t know enough. So, for someone out there who is looking to create something or do something, what advice would you give them if they’re living in a world of doubt right now? A world of self-doubt.

Connie Anne: [00:10:11] So first of all, doubt is to protect us. And anytime we’re trying to level up, anytime we’re trying to expand our identity, all of the things like our fears, right? They’re meant to keep us safe. Back to our flight or fight response, everything is meant to keep us safe. It’s to keep things known to keeping secure because we’ve been hurt. We’ve experienced pain.

We got suckered punched in the gut, we’ve failed. And those things have stayed with us. And for a lot of people, those things last years, that emotional, mental turmoil, pain and lasts a long time. And so, our egos are meant to keep us safe, and safety means staying the same. And so to work through self-doubt, you really have to be focused on your why, your why has to really be big, really be motivating.

And your intention because I truly believe that we all are given purposes and gift that are bestowed on us. Part of our experience as human beings on this earth is to see those gifts and those purposes to fruition. We don’t get to decide who’s affected by our gifts, our responsibility as for us to share them.

Just like any other muscle it takes time for us to get comfortable in different identities. But like I’m going to use you as an example. You’re a podcast there now. This is part of your identity. You’ve put that message out every week. Your intention is to help, to support, to guide to serve, and if you didn’t put that message out there, there’s a lot of people that would not be able to receive the benefits of you doing this.

But imagine before two years ago when you were first starting out, everything was scary. Everything was fearful, everything was, I can’t do that. I’m not a podcaster. Yeah, you weren’t, but now you are because you’ve exercised so much in that muscle, that podcaster muscle. Just looking at your microphone like before we even started, you are knowing the things that I want.

To be a podcaster eventually, and I’m one of those people that like where and you were there, but now it’s become your identity. So, we have, yeah, we have to take action. There’s clarity comes from action, but clarity also comes from failing, trying new things. Not giving up. People are successful, not because they didn’t fail well, because they didn’t get give up.

A lot of people are so afraid of failure, but that’s what we’re here for. We’re supposed to make mistakes and trying new things. Fail. Try again. But at least the connected to your why. And your intention, that’s gonna help motivate you to get to where now it’s part of your identity. Another way to look at it is when you go for a job, when you’re doing your resume and you go for the interview, there’s all these nerves and there’s this anxiety, anticipation, and then when you’re six months into the job, you’re like, I got this. All that anxiety, anticipation, all that doubt usually goes away because. Now that job has become part of your identity.

Elaina: [00:13:16] When you were talking, it reminded me of when you’re talking about being okay with failure and everyone fails, it reminded me of a conversation that I had with my daughter.

I think my daughter is a phenomenal little artist, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my kid, I wouldn’t be able to do what she does. I’m just not on that level. I have some nieces and nephews who are also artists. I have one niece in particular who that’s what she went to school for. That’s what she does now, and she’s amazing.  I remember Kaia used to share her artwork, like on Instagram. And one day she saw something that Maryam had created, and she was like, I’m not as good as Maryam. I’m, well, doesn’t mean that you won’t be, you could be just as good or better.

And the thing is, you’re looking at her final product. And I think a lot of us don’t move forward and we give up if we do fail or were afraid to try because we look at someone’s final product and we judge our first attempt off of that. We don’t consider how many times they failed, how many times they had to scrap and go back to the drawing board and we just say, Oh, I’m never going to be as good as they are, but we don’t know their full path and journey.

And so, I think it’s important that we stop comparing our first attempt to someone’s final product cause they don’t share all the crap that they created before they publish that final product.

Connie Anne: [00:14:33] I completely agree. We compare somebody’s highlight reel with our lowlight reel. They’re a hundred steps ahead of us and it’s good if we can use that to motivate us.

For some people, they can look at that, that’s motivating and they’re like, you know what? I’m going to put in the work. I’m going to take the steps. And for other people, they’re like, Oh, that’s so overwhelming. I’ll never be there. I’m just going to give up. Now, again, back to the safety thing. That type of thinking is to keep you safe, to keep you comfortable.

If it keeps you in your comfort zone, we’ll think he’d be used so that you never get hurt again. But if you can keep that curiosity just like your daughter with her art, there’s other people looking at her wanting to be on her level because she’s doing something that other people really want to do, and if she can look at your niece as motivation for where she wants to be versus as comparing for herself to not being there yet, that’s the best thing she can do for herself because who is going to make you better?

Not people at your same level, people above you, people higher than you. You can be the best fish in this pond. but there is a bigger pond. And so, if you really want to like achieve greatness or be better, you’re going to need those people that are a hundred steps ahead of you. But If you can look at it as, I want to be like, them, but still my own style, use that as motivation versus.

As an excuse or a reason to give up what you’re doing. And if you have that intention, if you have that gift, if you have that why it’s the action that’s so important. You’re going to keep taking the steps and eventually your lowlight reel that once was your lowlight reel will be somebody else’s highlight reel, but you have to keep making attempts.

You have to get comfortable with of level of uncomfortability. There we are again with that word. We have to get to a place where we’re curious like, Ooh, what’s going on? Okay, let me try this, or let me try that. But yeah, I love that story of your daughter. She’s still doing art.

Elaina: [00:16:33] She doesn’t post any art. She still does art, but she doesn’t share it on Instagram anymore.

Connie Anne: [00:16:37] We gotta have that girl that is thinking that she’s not good enough.

Elaina: [00:16:41] I take part ownership of that because I didn’t realize when she would show me stuff, I’m like, Oh, that’s really good, and if you keep at it and learn more skills. I thought I was encouraging her, but what she was interpreting that as was, I’m not good enough or what I just did wasn’t good enough, and I’m like, no, this was really cool.

Like, I wish I could do that. I have tried to convince her to create artwork. I can do some coloring books and t shirts and all these other things, and she just be like, no, ma. Not now ma. I’ll get through to her eventually.

Connie Anne: [00:17:14] I think by you being a model and showing her that you just keep taking steps and you, that’s all we can do, right? Oh my gosh. That’s all we can do.

Elaina: [00:17:24] That’s all we can do. And my stepsister is having her first child and she’s nervous, of course, as we all were. And I said to her, as I said, as a parent, none of us know what we’re doing. That’s it. The only thing that we say to ourselves, let me just try not to screw this kid up. I said, if you go into like, I’m just going to do my best to not screw them up, you already ahead of the game.

Connie Anne: [00:17:49] I was literally just having a conversation with a friend. Very something that happens when you have a child and you are mother. Like there’s these inbuilt voices and guilt that start like as soon as you find out you’re pregnant and then when you have this child, the voices, they just magnify and they never really ever go away.

And then talk about comparison. When you become a mother, that’s the only thing you’re doing. You’re looking outside of yourself because that person looks like they have it all together and you start. This for so many does organic. This person cooks all the whole meal and it’s never ending. And you know what?

Our kids don’t need all those other moms. That’s why they were gifted to us. They just need us, I feel for them, for anybody becoming parents. Any mother becoming a parent because, gosh, if there’s ever a time where you don’t feel good enough, everything gets magnified. Everything.

Elaina: [00:18:44] That’s when your inner self critic goes on a rampage.

Connie Anne: [00:18:47] Oh my God.

Elaina: [00:18:48] I think as long as our children are healthy and happy, we’re doing something right.

Connie Anne: [00:18:52] Yeah.

Elaina: [00:18:53] There is a lot of pressure to compare and then you have all these people out here with no kids telling you what they would do if they were a parent. Once you become a parent, let’s have that conversation.

Connie Anne: [00:19:07] Once you become a, and it’s funny because even when you are a parent and you’re like, well, I would do this, I would do that. And then you get with your kid and your kid hasn’t slept for like two days straight and you’re like at your wits end and you’re like driving around the block for hours. Because that seems to be the only way they can sleep.

Elaina: [00:19:28] I had one of those. She didn’t do very often, but there were a couple of car trips that I remember having to take around the block. Definitely remember those days. I do not miss those days at all.

Connie Anne: [00:19:39] Yeah. I don’t, I would not, I would not go back to those days. No, thank you. But you brought up something, it is that acceptance that is so important. In psychology theory or modem, and it’s called DVT, and they talk about radical acceptance. But can you have like radical acceptance. That right now, you are the best mom, right in this place and this moment. And then the mindfulness present piece. There’s so many times where you’re not present with your child because you’re thinking it should be like for some reason, Sheila down the street came up to me in my head, but.

Whoever you’re comparing yourself to, if you would just be present, that’s really all your child’s needs and your child of a certain age doesn’t know that there’s any other mom better than you are. It’s you. They have no clue. They don’t know until you tell them. It’s your guilt that they feed off of. But we do that with so many different aspects.

Elaina: [00:20:36] Yes, we do. And I think that was a key moment in my worldview, but not only my worldview, but how I viewed myself was getting to that place of self-acceptance, which allowed me to then love myself and not seek that outside validation. And I think that is a journey that we all have to walk.

For anyone out there that is looking for that guidance as far as, and when I say self-acceptance, I mean all your flaws, all your strengths, everything about you, the mole that you don’t like or the ear lobes, you’re not crazy about. Whatever thing that you look in a mirror, like, I don’t like that about myself, but I accept it, for anyone out there that may be struggling with that self-acceptance or that self-love piece, what advice or strategies would you offer to them.

Connie Anne: [00:21:27] Self-love, self-acceptance, that is part of the journey. That is part of part of our healing part of our process. Something that has really, really helped me with self-love and self-acceptance is the mindfulness piece and being able to sit and non-judgment with myself and taking away the label of good or bad.

And it’s been awareness, insight, being able to tackle those negative self-thoughts while I’m having them or those negative self-beliefs when I’m having them. It’s about celebrating the things that I do love about myself. It’s about wanting to like myself. Can I like things about myself? Can I celebrate and be happy with things?

But it’s really been that mindfulness piece of sitting with myself. With compassion and kindness and love. Really holding space for myself and being okay with whatever I present. It’s a muscle that I have to work at every single day. I have to celebrate different things about myself every single day.

I have to say nice things to myself every day. I have to affirm myself all the time and it’s not narcissism or it’s not self-centeredness, it really is me working that muscle to really fall in love with myself. I think we want so bad for other people to love us and like you said, we want their validation.

That doesn’t last. That becomes like a hamster wheel. We just keep chasing it. Or once we get it, then we’ll find somebody else to want love validation from. But when you can get to a place where you start loving, liking yourself, start with liking yourself. Then you start loving yourself. You start appreciating yourself.

You start practicing gratitude. For who you are, the lens that you see life through that where it starts. I always say one day I want to be sitting under a bonsai tree chanting. Like that’s when I finally made it. Well, what I’m learning is there’s never going to be an end to this. I’m never not going to need to love myself.

I’m never not going to need to be compassionate, kind, gentle, loving, curious with myself. It’s part of the journey and that’s because I’m human. As long as I’m not a robot, as long as I’m still experiencing feelings and emotions and thoughts, I’m so going to be needing to love myself because there’s things that’s gonna make me feel nervous.

There’s things that are going to make me feel awkward. There’s things that’s gonna make me feel uncomfortable. There’s always going to be somebody beautiful or smarter, kinder. I can still love myself. Loving myself doesn’t mean that I have to hate on another woman. And that’s a journey you learn through all of this.

Loving myself doesn’t mean I’m going to appeal to everybody. So I would say that. Recognize that it’s a journey. There’s never gonna be like an arrival fee. Beyoncé doesn’t show up as Beyoncé every day and anybody that watched her homecoming special, girl, everybody needs to go watch that. Homecoming special but it shows you she prepared for months and months to be the Beyoncé that we saw and that’s like, self-love. It’s a preparation, it’s a action thing, is ongoing thing. There’s never this love. self-love.

And anybody that can do that, that can sit in that self-love space all the time, then I’m going to be like, how are you doing it? Because I know for myself, yeah. I’ve gotten into the place where I have so much more love, and acceptance of myself. But that doesn’t mean journey is done. I’m still on that journey.

Elaina: [00:25:36] It’s definitely an everyday thing and I liked that you brought up that you tell yourself nice things about yourself every single day because I feel that’s important because it’s real easy to get distracted. Especially depending on if you have other influences around it can be challenging to just remember, don’t lose that hope and don’t lose that focus that you still have to be kind to yourself and compassionate.

I think a lot of us lack self-compassion, but we can be generous and compassionate and show gratitude to everyone else. But we forget to do those things for ourselves. And the thing that’s interesting is I came across a post the other day that. Kind of hinted to something that I used to tell some of my family members, and it’s one of those things where I’m like, I will, I’m a, I’m a person of self-preservation, and when I am sensing that my surroundings or my influences are doing more harm than good. I’m out and whether we reconnect or not, only time will tell, but if I feel like I have someone in my space in my circle that’s bringing them more negativity than they are positivity, I will go into self-preservation mode.

I feel like you have to surround yourself with the influences or the things that you aspire and the life that you want to live. And I don’t want to live a life where it’s always negative or complaining or bickering or bitching or talking about somebody else or gossip. I’m not that. I’m not about that life. And so, I will eliminate those influences in a heartbeat.

And I think a lot of us struggle with that. A lot of us, allow, we take in that negative energy. So, I’m a feeler, so I feel other people’s pains and their stories become my stories. And I think a lot of people are that way, and it’s just one of those, when someone’s light starts to dim because of the influences they have in their life.

Connie Anne: [00:27:31] We are, we absorb energy right. That’s because we live in our energetic, field, we live in a magnetic field. We live. We are all energy. We’re all matter. Right? We have constant energy moving back and forth. Things we cannot physically see. But somehow, we feel that way. And we were talking earlier, right? There’s times where you can’t label or describe what you’re feeling, but we are being affected.

And that’s proven. That there’s energy that’s affecting us. I used to think of it that way, right? I have to protect my energy protect my energy, but I know for myself, that was causing more fear. So to speak, and so what I’ve learned is there’s certain practices I have do for myself, not necessarily to protect my energy, but to refuel my energy.

And that’s really helped. I do believe that there’s a lot of things that drain our energy and we have to really be aware of those things. Sometimes it’s people, sometimes with our own family, which is a whole other conversation. There’s a lot of things we can, we can do to refuel our energy and it’s really that we keep those practices for ourselves.

For me, one of them is journaling, I have to journal and process my thoughts, my feelings, and get it out, reminding me, get back to the center, get back to focusing in on my journey, my goal, things centered and connected with, or there’s ways to combat when you feel like your energy is being drained and it’s really important to have those practices.

Like you said earlier. Being an introvert, you tend to get energy from going inside. And it’s, that’s right. Such, important awareness to realize how we get our energy from, you know, extroverts tend to get more energy from other people, right. From being around other people. That’s how they get their energy.

 Introverts tend to go inside, they need space. They need calm, they need quiet. So really finding out where you get your energy source from is really important. But like there’s, even now we’re doing social distancing. Do you get your energy from the earth? Because there’s a lot of really good energy when you ground, if you are grounding or earthing, you can put your hands and your feet in the earth.

Maybe gardening, maybe just stepping on grass, walking around in the grass. So there’s different ways to refuel your energy, and it’s really important that you figure out, like you said, when you’re around person A well, I noticed that my energy, so it’s like it’s depleted. It’s draining. I can only be around that person for, you know, so long.

Okay. That’s it. That’s really good information. Oh, I noticed when I’m around person B, I feel excited. I feel upbeat. I feel energized. My ideas are just flowing. I want to talk them forever. Okay. Then maybe I need to connect with person B a little bit more. I need to text them or get on a phone or maybe see if we can virtually hangout how it is now. but those are really important or other stuff like, Oh, I noticed when I do art, Oh my gosh. I just, like in there, and I feel good. I feel blissed out. But it’s really important to find out where your energy comes from and to engage in those things, especially now when you’re isolated or you’re alone, you might not know it. You do need to refuel those energy reserves. I felt like you asked me.

Elaina: [00:31:35] We are getting some free coaching on this episode. I’m appreciating every second of it. And I’ve mentioned before, I think it’s a John Maxwell book that talks about like fill your bucket. I think it’s in his leadership 360 that’s one of the things that I always coach my mom to, because she’s a giver and she takes on so many responsibilities, but what happens is, is as you’re giving to someone else, you’re depleting your bucket.

So you’re not taking that time to fill your bucket and you deplete your bucket. Then you have nothing left for yourself.

Connie Anne: [00:32:08] Yeah.

Elaina: [00:32:09] As you’re putting your energy out in the world to support and help others, that’s you’re getting that back so that you can continue that. Otherwise you’re not going to be helpful to yourself or anyone else.

Connie Anne: [00:32:20] I like to say that we all, I like to look at it at energy as currency. So like we all have a certain amount of energy and we can spend it however we want. You know, it’s just like any other budget. You were looking at energy, currency as money, but we all also have to earn or refuel energy ourselves and just like, everybody uses this metaphor, but just like the, oxygen mask on the airplane, you have true the breathing life.

Be breathing energy into yourself because, and a lot of what I noticed, and I noticed that for myself, to, that’s what helped me realize that I really have to be intentional about how I fill my bucket or how I refill my energy. Is that, I can give so much. I would always, give, give, give, give, but I had a hard time receiving.

And that comes from not feeling worthy. I would give, give, give, give. give and then I wouldn’t, ask, for myself or if somebody was giving to me, I’d be like, Oh, I’m okay. I’m fine. And I really had to explore, that part of myself. And I realized that that comes from not feeling worthy, not feeling enough. And so I have to. Part of the self-love journey is I have to one, get to where I feel okay with also receiving as much as I give. And being again, back to the compassionate, kind, gentle, loving with yourself and fielding your bucket. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself.

Elaina: [00:34:09] Absolutely.

Connie Anne: [00:34:10] It’s actually imperative we have to take care of ourselves. Again, it goes back to the oxygen mask. We have to breathe life into ourselves before we can breathe life into other people or other projects, so to speak.

Elaina: [00:34:26] 100% agree to all that. All right, Connie, I so appreciate you being here today and sharing your perspective and all of your strategies and advice. If anyone wanted to learn more about you, where would they be able to reach you?

Connie Anne: [00:34:47] So they can come to my Instagram. ConnieAnneHolmanCoaching. C, O, N, N, I. E. A. N.N. E. H. O. L. M. A. N. C. O. A. C. H. I. N. G. So, it’s all one thing. I put up daily, quotes up there that I make up myself every single day. Or just, you know, ask you questions to dive deeper with your thoughts and your, your feelings, or you can visit my website, it’s connieanneholman.com. But I enjoyed the conversation. It’s been wonderful talking to you and I love that you’re putting this work out there. We need this, we need this work. We need this message. So, thank you for that. So much gratitude.

Elaina: [00:35:31] Yes, thank you so much and I appreciate you. And again, thank you. So, we are going gonna wrap it up there, everyone. So, until next time, thank you for coping with us today and have a great day everybody.

Connie Anne Holman

Licensed Therapist and Life Coach